20.5

woohoo! in 2 months time i have lost just a smidge over 20 lbs!

i seriously can't believe that when i weighed in this morning, i was down again. after the last couple of weeks (and gaining a pound last week) i thought for sure that the stress and the emotional eating would have sabotaged me. but then i began to think about how over the weekend i really buckled down on food and used a lot more energy than usual and voila! it actually paid off.

speaking of emotional eating, i have realized that i am indeed an emotiona eater. when i get stressed, i want to eat. when i'm bored food seems to fill the void. but as good as the food may taste at that moment, it sure makes me feel like poo later, both physically and mentally.

over last week, i indulged in my fastfood weakness. it tasted SO good while i was eating it, but a few hours later, the mix of an upset belly and a whole lotta guilt kicked my butt. i have come to realize that it just doesn't pay to give in (except for maybe a planned cheat which is totally thought out in advance) to tempation. all you end up with is bad feelings all over the place.

during all this, i noticed that if i focus my energy elsewhere, not only do the emotional cravings subside, but i get a load of stuff accomplished. sunday, i got up early, went to the farmer's market, picked up coffee on the way home for latifah and myself and then kicked into laundry gear. i got the piles of laundry put away after months (the last thing in the bedroom that was waiting for finalization) and kept a positive attitude all day long. what a difference!

on saturday i also realized that i can't wallow in self pity forever. yeah, i ranted and whined and bitched about my job and stuff in general, but in the end it didn't really make me feel any better. all the crap was still there, regardless of how much i griped about it. and that was when i decided to take the high road. i decided to start finding the good and be grateful for all that i did have.

the most interesting thing about that is that as soon as i posted that out there into the internets (otherwise known as facebook), my ear that had been all plugged up cleared and a calm came over me. i turned downright giddy!

today i came into work and tried hard to keep the positive outlook. i kept telling myself that i couldn't control everything and that it wasn't all for me to worry about. it's now almost 4 pm and i don't feel completely exhausted and/or frustrated. i have done what i could do today (kids laundry, fixed their food, cleaned up after their meals, tidied our space, made them laugh, played with them and loved them) and let the rest slide off my back.

when i am negative, it affects others. i can see that i treat latifah like crap when i'm feeling like crap. he doesn't deserve that. i see how the kids react when i am trying to radiate some positivity and it's pretty amazing. we have had THE best monday in a long time. it really is true that you can't "sweat the small stuff".

and like a good friend said to me today "you aren't where you want to be just yet, but you have to be grateful that you are no longer where you were". true dat.