you can now read me over at:
http://currentlyunderrenovation.blogspot.com
hope to see you there!
4.26.2010
4.16.2010
come, follow me!
a week from today i will be moving.
my blog.
actually, i'm going to try and encompass everything in my life into one blog:
"CURRENTLY UNDER RENOVATION"
i figure it's time to start fresh. i'll be making this blog and my nanny blog private and continuing to write strictly over at the new homestead. seeing that i'm starting over in a lot of aspects of life (health, job, attitude, etc), it seems appropriate.
so, i hope you'll join me over there. i appreciate every single one of you and thank you for your comments, your advice, your lurking and your loyalty.
thanks!
my blog.
actually, i'm going to try and encompass everything in my life into one blog:
"CURRENTLY UNDER RENOVATION"
i figure it's time to start fresh. i'll be making this blog and my nanny blog private and continuing to write strictly over at the new homestead. seeing that i'm starting over in a lot of aspects of life (health, job, attitude, etc), it seems appropriate.
so, i hope you'll join me over there. i appreciate every single one of you and thank you for your comments, your advice, your lurking and your loyalty.
thanks!
4.13.2010
depressed
wow, i didn't realize that it's been a while since i last posted something. sorry about that. i guess i should explain what's been going on in my world and in my head.
straight up, i think i am suffering from a bout with depression. i don't know how severe or what kind or whatever, but all signs point to the big d. i've gone over all the symptoms, taken tests on medical sites to see results and it seems to be the case.
as you may or may not know, for the last 2 years my job has been shitastic. what was once a very easy job that i loved, turned into a chaotic mess that has left me sick, stressed, exhausted and an emotional mess. that started to seep into my personal life and i have become unmotivated, grumpy, lazy and even more exhausted. i have, at times, lost the urge to even care. all i know is that more often than not, i want to jump in my car and drive far, far away from everything and everyone i know and hide.
ages ago, i was never like this. but the more i thought about it, i think i can pinpoint when i started to perhaps let the gremlins creep in and start to make me feel less positive and motivated. there was that one bad relationship that sent me world careening upside down and made me realize that life isn't always so fantastic. all the security and dreams i had built up came crashing down in a millisecond. not only was my heart broken, but my world was shattered. i don't think i fully recovered from that, no matter how things may have looked to others.
that left me less trusting. it left me a bit more cynical. it made me fearful of ever giving myself fully again. something inside changed the day i walked out the door.
jump to today. i am in a job that makes me miserable. it makes me physically sick. i am so exhausted at the end of the day that stuff doesn't get done. hobbies i used to love are all falling by the wayside. i want to cry at the drop of a hat. there are times when i want to pummel someone just to release the anger and frustration. i've started to shut out latifah and that hurts the most. and then, when he can't immediately realize what's going on with me, that makes me angry. it's not his fault and i haven't told him what i think i'm dealing with yet. i need to wrap my head around it a bit more.
i'm feeling scatterbrained. i've become a bit more clumsy. the energy it takes to get dressed in the morning is about all i've got. i need to do something about this.
so, i am going to email my doctor and let her know what i've been dealing with. i guess, after that, we take it from there. a weight was lifted temporarily when i confided in friends about my feelings. but now it feels like it's coming back.
ack, this post wasn't very coherent, was it? welcome to my current world. to sum it all up: this girl is not happy and this girl needs to make it change. pronto.
straight up, i think i am suffering from a bout with depression. i don't know how severe or what kind or whatever, but all signs point to the big d. i've gone over all the symptoms, taken tests on medical sites to see results and it seems to be the case.
as you may or may not know, for the last 2 years my job has been shitastic. what was once a very easy job that i loved, turned into a chaotic mess that has left me sick, stressed, exhausted and an emotional mess. that started to seep into my personal life and i have become unmotivated, grumpy, lazy and even more exhausted. i have, at times, lost the urge to even care. all i know is that more often than not, i want to jump in my car and drive far, far away from everything and everyone i know and hide.
ages ago, i was never like this. but the more i thought about it, i think i can pinpoint when i started to perhaps let the gremlins creep in and start to make me feel less positive and motivated. there was that one bad relationship that sent me world careening upside down and made me realize that life isn't always so fantastic. all the security and dreams i had built up came crashing down in a millisecond. not only was my heart broken, but my world was shattered. i don't think i fully recovered from that, no matter how things may have looked to others.
that left me less trusting. it left me a bit more cynical. it made me fearful of ever giving myself fully again. something inside changed the day i walked out the door.
jump to today. i am in a job that makes me miserable. it makes me physically sick. i am so exhausted at the end of the day that stuff doesn't get done. hobbies i used to love are all falling by the wayside. i want to cry at the drop of a hat. there are times when i want to pummel someone just to release the anger and frustration. i've started to shut out latifah and that hurts the most. and then, when he can't immediately realize what's going on with me, that makes me angry. it's not his fault and i haven't told him what i think i'm dealing with yet. i need to wrap my head around it a bit more.
i'm feeling scatterbrained. i've become a bit more clumsy. the energy it takes to get dressed in the morning is about all i've got. i need to do something about this.
so, i am going to email my doctor and let her know what i've been dealing with. i guess, after that, we take it from there. a weight was lifted temporarily when i confided in friends about my feelings. but now it feels like it's coming back.
ack, this post wasn't very coherent, was it? welcome to my current world. to sum it all up: this girl is not happy and this girl needs to make it change. pronto.
3.24.2010
hey there!
hello lovely peeps!
don't take this personally, but lately i haven't had the blog urge. ok, i have, but when i actually get the time to sit and write a bit, the urge has passed. i'm one of those do it when you feel it people. if i wait too long, whatever i had the motivation to do will pass.
it's also do to being purely exhausted. like a friend of mine said "basically, you are a parent. when you go home, enjoy the down time without guilt." and as much as i want to fully enjoy it, there is still a bit of guilt that kicks me everytime i look and see the clean laundry that is needing to be put away or the stacks of books i need to put in the spare room. or just the clutter. but i can't even bring myself to try and get motivated after 6 pm. latifah is lucky if i make dinner. this is when i wish he knew how to cook!
i have been reading a friend/nanny's blog lately and she's getting under my skin little by little and making me feel some inspiration and some motivation. i'm starting slowly by at least trying to look somewhat presentable when i leave the house in the morning. i'm hoping that if i look good, it will make me feel a little bit better about all that is in front of me.
now, i need to get my exhausted butt to bed so i can try to get a few hours of decent sleep. hope you are all well and enjoying the change into spring!
what have you been up to?
don't take this personally, but lately i haven't had the blog urge. ok, i have, but when i actually get the time to sit and write a bit, the urge has passed. i'm one of those do it when you feel it people. if i wait too long, whatever i had the motivation to do will pass.
it's also do to being purely exhausted. like a friend of mine said "basically, you are a parent. when you go home, enjoy the down time without guilt." and as much as i want to fully enjoy it, there is still a bit of guilt that kicks me everytime i look and see the clean laundry that is needing to be put away or the stacks of books i need to put in the spare room. or just the clutter. but i can't even bring myself to try and get motivated after 6 pm. latifah is lucky if i make dinner. this is when i wish he knew how to cook!
i have been reading a friend/nanny's blog lately and she's getting under my skin little by little and making me feel some inspiration and some motivation. i'm starting slowly by at least trying to look somewhat presentable when i leave the house in the morning. i'm hoping that if i look good, it will make me feel a little bit better about all that is in front of me.
now, i need to get my exhausted butt to bed so i can try to get a few hours of decent sleep. hope you are all well and enjoying the change into spring!
what have you been up to?
3.13.2010
hello sunshine!
what a change from yesterday!
today is absolutely gorgeous! i'd prefer it a FEW degrees warmer, but i really shouldn't complain. we started off the morning sleeping in. it was a long night, as we are training the pooch to sleep in her own bed again. let's just say that she's acting a bit like a hungover 20something today because she did more pacing and staring than sleeping last night.
we woke up, took her for a magnificently sunny walk and then headed home to figure out lunch. i did a bit of cleaning in the kitchen while latifah got his playstation3 on. he's still playing. :) i made us some yummy turkey sammiches, peeled a couple of cara-cara oranges (omg, have you tried them? THEBESTEVERINTHEWORLD!) we all sat out on the balcony and enjoyed our food.
then it was bathtime for the pup. she knew what i was up to, so i found her trying to hide on the other side of her video game addicted father. but man, now that she is clean and dry, she is glowing. doesn't hurt that she got to lay in the sun and dry off in her sleep. what a life, eh?
so now, here i sit on the balcony, blogging in the gorgeous weather while a clean dog begs for crackers and a boyfriend kills things on the tv. can everyday be like this? seriously.
we don't have anything to do until we head out tonight to k's birthday party at a great irish pub nearby. i'm loving the laziness. sure, i could go and put some laundry away, but i'm in the moment damnit.
and that moment is good.
enjoy your weekend everyone!
today is absolutely gorgeous! i'd prefer it a FEW degrees warmer, but i really shouldn't complain. we started off the morning sleeping in. it was a long night, as we are training the pooch to sleep in her own bed again. let's just say that she's acting a bit like a hungover 20something today because she did more pacing and staring than sleeping last night.
we woke up, took her for a magnificently sunny walk and then headed home to figure out lunch. i did a bit of cleaning in the kitchen while latifah got his playstation3 on. he's still playing. :) i made us some yummy turkey sammiches, peeled a couple of cara-cara oranges (omg, have you tried them? THEBESTEVERINTHEWORLD!) we all sat out on the balcony and enjoyed our food.
then it was bathtime for the pup. she knew what i was up to, so i found her trying to hide on the other side of her video game addicted father. but man, now that she is clean and dry, she is glowing. doesn't hurt that she got to lay in the sun and dry off in her sleep. what a life, eh?
so now, here i sit on the balcony, blogging in the gorgeous weather while a clean dog begs for crackers and a boyfriend kills things on the tv. can everyday be like this? seriously.
we don't have anything to do until we head out tonight to k's birthday party at a great irish pub nearby. i'm loving the laziness. sure, i could go and put some laundry away, but i'm in the moment damnit.
and that moment is good.
enjoy your weekend everyone!
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